Do you think children have a right to privacy?

Myrddin

Well-Known Member
I found an article this morning about how some parents think it's okay to go through their childrens e-mails, facebook page, cell phones, etc. What do you think about this? Is it wrong, or do children/teenagers not have any rights to privacy?
 
I'm kinda biased towards this, im almost 16 and i think its wrong. My parents used to read through things without even asking, and once demanded my passwords and usernames for stuff. So, im very against it. I dont like people reading through my phone, either. I'm quite a private person though.
 

Nadai

Active Member
I would have to say no, they don't have the right to privacy. I'm a mother, but my children are still toddlers. In the future I'll have no problem going through my children's things. I don't believe in sneaking and doing it; if I want to see what my daughter has written in her diary I'll say, show me your diary. Children and even teenagers get into things that they have no business getting into, I did it and my parents did it and I'm sure theirs did as well, it's the nature of kids. What kids don't understand is that parents do this, not to invade their children's privacy, but to protect their children. What if a 16-year-old was talking to someone they had no business talking to or doing something they had no business doing, like a pedophile or dangerous drugs?... A child isn't going to tell their parents most times so a parent has to investigate these things for themselves.
As my parents used to put it when I was a child/teen, "As long as you live in my house and eat my food and breath my air you have no privacy. Nothing in this house belongs to you because it's in my house, if you don't like it, move." I hated it then, but now I see it was the truth and it was for my benifit. Parents love their children, at least good parents, and they want to keep them safe. A good parent will worry more about protecting their child than being their child's friend and only doing things that their child agrees with; parents are parents.
 
I get that, but when i have children, i will hope to create strong bonds with them so they'd have faith to tell me, and show them from right and wrong, so they'd understand. Its not about being the childs friend, its about having trust in them. And its about building that trust throughout life so they'll be able to talk to them. I think its totally unproportional, yes, alot of bad things happen on the internet, but a lot of good things happen also. Its so one sided, how its presented in the news. A good parent does what they think is best for their children's safety. And i think its best to build up trust, if you sneak through there stuff, or ask them to show you, they'll hide it. They'll find loopholes. Just my opinion, obviously i cant comment on it from the other side, but...
 

Nadai

Active Member
I get that, but when i have children, i will hope to create strong bonds with them so they'd have faith to tell me, and show them from right and wrong, so they'd understand. Its not about being the childs friend, its about having trust in them. And its about building that trust throughout life so they'll be able to talk to them. I think its totally unproportional, yes, alot of bad things happen on the internet, but a lot of good things happen also. Its so one sided, how its presented in the news. A good parent does what they think is best for their children's safety. And i think its best to build up trust, if you sneak through there stuff, or ask them to show you, they'll hide it. They'll find loopholes. Just my opinion, obviously i cant comment on it from the other side, but...
I understand and agree with a few of your points, but do you tell your parents everything... even if you have a close bond with your parents I'm sure you don't talk to them about every little thing. Of course I could be wrong. To each his own.
 

Myrddin

Well-Known Member
I think a bond of trust is very important between parents and children, and as soon as one or both parents start going through their children's things, that bond is broken.
While I was growing up, I had my room where I had my desk and closet which were always kept private by a silent agreement between me and my mother. I've always shared everything with her -- what I didn't want to discuss with her, I discussed with my father. Neither of them ever gave me any reason not to trust them, so I always have. Had either of them ever gone through everything in my room, I don't think I would have trusted them, and likely I'd have clammed up. Probaby even felt more rebellious.
As it is, I have always had my closet in which I store and hide birthday and christmas gifts without having to fear a recipient would ever discover them and find out what I had gotten them before hand.
Besides we learn from our mistakes, and barring that in mind, how are our children supposed to learn from their mistakes if we, as parents, don't allow them any?
 

Nadai

Active Member
I think a bond of trust is very important between parents and children, and as soon as one or both parents start going through their children's things, that bond is broken.
While I was growing up, I had my room where I had my desk and closet which were always kept private by a silent agreement between me and my mother. I've always shared everything with her -- what I didn't want to discuss with her, I discussed with my father. Neither of them ever gave me any reason not to trust them, so I always have. Had either of them ever gone through everything in my room, I don't think I would have trusted them, and likely I'd have clammed up. Probaby even felt more rebellious.
As it is, I have always had my closet in which I store and hide birthday and christmas gifts without having to fear a recipient would ever discover them and find out what I had gotten them before hand.
Besides we learn from our mistakes, and barring that in mind, how are our children supposed to learn from their mistakes if we, as parents, don't allow them any?
There's no need to be sorry for me. I have a great relationship with my parents, then and now. I have always been able to talk to them, but there were things in my life that, at times, I wanted to keep to myself. I'm just saying that some people keep things to themselves that could potentially be dangerous to them. I won't lie and say that I never hid things from my parents because I most certainly did. I guess I was just rebellious to start with; I didn't then, but I appreciate my parent's prying, they kept me out of a lot of trouble when I was a teen. They didn't keep me from making mistakes, I've made too many if anything, but they were able to better handle situations if they knew what they were dealing with. Sometimes kids don't earn the privacy that they so desperately want. Prying isn't a constant thing. If a kid shows they can be trusted then there isn't really a need to doubt them; it's when kids do things that are questionable that parents want answers.
...But as I said, to each his own. Everyone has their own way of parenting, but you can't treat every child the same, some kids need a bit of extra attention.
 

Myrddin

Well-Known Member
There's no need to be sorry for me. I have a great relationship with my parents, then and now. I have always been able to talk to them, but there were things in my life that, at times, I wanted to keep to myself. I'm just saying that some people keep things to themselves that could potentially be dangerous to them. I won't lie and say that I never hid things from my parents because I most certainly did. I guess I was just rebellious to start with; I didn't then, but I appreciate my parent's prying, they kept me out of a lot of trouble when I was a teen. They didn't keep me from making mistakes, I've made too many if anything, but they were able to better handle situations if they knew what they were dealing with. Sometimes kids don't earn the privacy that they so desperately want. Prying isn't a constant thing. If a kid shows they can be trusted then there isn't really a need to doubt them; it's when kids do things that are questionable that parents want answers.
...But as I said, to each his own. Everyone has their own way of parenting, but you can't treat every child the same, some kids need a bit of extra attention.
Well I'm glad that you obviously have a healthy relationship with your parents, but a lot of times it wouldn't turn out that way. I think most times that the more parents pry into thier children's lives, the more their children will turn away from them and just do their own thing. I guess I just believe that a lot of todays bad kids come from a home with overprotective parents.

There are ways to tell what one's children are up to without having to go through their things. Such as body language and the child's demeanour. Just how they behave at home should be able to tell you all you need to know. It's all in the attitude.
 

RLynn

Active Member
I never invaded my own children's privacy. They're both in their thirties now and turned out okay. Maybe I was just lucky, but my approach to them was to be a friend as well as a parent. We had so much fun together (backpacking, going to ball games, goofing off, etc.) that I was, in a way, sorry to see them grow up and leave home. We all are still loyal friends, though.
 

Nadai

Active Member
Well I'm glad that you obviously have a healthy relationship with your parents, but a lot of times it wouldn't turn out that way. I think most times that the more parents pry into thier children's lives, the more their children will turn away from them and just do their own thing. I guess I just believe that a lot of todays bad kids come from a home with overprotective parents.

There are ways to tell what one's children are up to without having to go through their things. Such as body language and the child's demeanour. Just how they behave at home should be able to tell you all you need to know. It's all in the attitude.
Or maybe uninvolved parents who let their kids do whatever they want... Who knows... As I said, every child is different.
 

Allie-Gator

Member
I have to say it depends. I would go through my children's things with their knowledge. Today though, we have so many electronic connections it's not something I would like for kids to do without supervision. What if you got online and thought you were talking to a boy of 16 like yourself and you agreed to meet him locally but found out he was a 40 year old pervert instead. It could be a bad situation and even though I know you feel like you are grown up when you are in your teens, you aren't. There are still brain connections forming and experience in life goes a long way.
 
I understand and agree with a few of your points, but do you tell your parents everything... even if you have a close bond with your parents I'm sure you don't talk to them about every little thing. Of course I could be wrong. To each his own.
I dont feel the need to talk to them about every single thing, i can deal with my own problems..but i know, if i ever needed help, they'd be there for me and support me, in the end. Life as a whole is all about learning, finding out new things..yeah, i make mistakes, but i learn from them...surely thats what life is about.
 

Myrddin

Well-Known Member
I have to say it depends. I would go through my children's things with their knowledge. Today though, we have so many electronic connections it's not something I would like for kids to do without supervision. What if you got online and thought you were talking to a boy of 16 like yourself and you agreed to meet him locally but found out he was a 40 year old pervert instead. It could be a bad situation and even though I know you feel like you are grown up when you are in your teens, you aren't. There are still brain connections forming and experience in life goes a long way.
I agree, children should not be connecting online without parental supervision. But I'd also like to think that parents would take it upon themselves to teach their children about the dangers of online chatting because, like you said, you don't know who you are actually talking to. Teenagers in high school should be aware of the possibilty of online liars, and by sixteen should know to be careful when connecting online. No, you are not yet grown up in your teens, but you are more than halfway there. Adulthood comes right after -- the moment you turn twenty. And then you want to treated as such; like an adult, without your parents breathing down your neck and looking over your shoulder. Hey, at 22 you're old enough to become a parent yourself.
 

Nadai

Active Member
I dont feel the need to talk to them about every single thing, i can deal with my own problems..but i know, if i ever needed help, they'd be there for me and support me, in the end. Life as a whole is all about learning, finding out new things..yeah, i make mistakes, but i learn from them...surely thats what life is about.
So what if you were faced with a problem that you thought you could handle yourself... you didn't tell your parents... and you found out too late that you were in over your head; there would be no one to help you but yourself. Kids have a tendancy to think they're ready for things when they're not and, just like you said, they feel that they can take care of themselves or handle things on their own.
Maybe if Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold's mother's would have cared less about giving their sons privacy they would have been able to avoid the Columbine High School massacre. After the shooting Klebold's mother stated that after reading her son's journal she had no doubt that he went to Columbine on the day of the massacre with every intent to die. I'm not placing bame on those boys' parents, but perhaps something could have been done about those boys before they had the chance to murder 15 innocent children.
Things do happen and with bullying apparently on the rise and children killing themselves and 7-year-olds getting plastic surgery so that they don't get made fun of, I wouldn't risk it as a mother; I love my kids too much. Privacy is of no importance to me when it comes to my childrens' safety.
 

Nadai

Active Member
I agree, children should not be connecting online without parental supervision. But I'd also like to think that parents would take it upon themselves to teach their children about the dangers of online chatting because, like you said, you don't know who you are actually talking to. Teenagers in high school should be aware of the possibilty of online liars, and by sixteen should know to be careful when connecting online. No, you are not yet grown up in your teens, but you are more than halfway there. Adulthood comes right after -- the moment you turn twenty. And then you want to treated as such; like an adult, without your parents breathing down your neck and looking over your shoulder. Hey, at 22 you're old enough to become a parent yourself.
Child psychology says that the more you tell a kid not to do something the more they want to do it.
The Craigslist Killer wasn't going after kids. I'm sure all those women he attacked and the ones he killed knew the dangers, after the first few murders they were warned by the media, but still put themselves in danger. Just because parents teach and warn doesn't mean kids will listen.
 
So what if you were faced with a problem that you thought you could handle yourself... you didn't tell your parents... and you found out too late that you were in over your head; there would be no one to help you but yourself. Kids have a tendancy to think they're ready for things when they're not and, just like you said, they feel that they can take care of themselves or handle things on their own.
Maybe if Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold's mother's would have cared less about giving their sons privacy they would have been able to avoid the Columbine High School massacre. After the shooting Klebold's mother stated that after reading her son's journal she had no doubt that he went to Columbine on the day of the massacre with every intent to die. I'm not placing bame on those boys' parents, but perhaps something could have been done about those boys before they had the chance to murder 15 innocent children.
Things do happen and with bullying apparently on the rise and children killing themselves and 7-year-olds getting plastic surgery so that they don't get made fun of, I wouldn't risk it as a mother; I love my kids too much. Privacy is of no importance to me when it comes to my childrens' safety.
I get your point, but im not really a child. I get what your saying, i really do. Just, when i have children, ill do it differently to how your doing it now, is all.
 

Nadai

Active Member
I get your point, but im not really a child. I get what your saying, i really do. Just, when i have children, ill do it differently to how your doing it now, is all.
By child I mean adolescent, and as I said earlier, every child is different and to each his own.
 

TheLoreman

Member
There's no right or wrong about. It's a question of choice and whether or not you can live with your choices.

The only thing I would say for those poeple that do look through their kids private stuff is how would you feel if the government or some other form of authority just helped themselves to your private information.

Personally I wouldn't like it. When I was a child my parents gave me and my brother complete privacy, and we turned out just fine. Therefore I shall be treating my kids in a similar fashion.
 

Myrddin

Well-Known Member
Child psychology says that the more you tell a kid not to do something the more they want to do it.
The Craigslist Killer wasn't going after kids. I'm sure all those women he attacked and the ones he killed knew the dangers, after the first few murders they were warned by the media, but still put themselves in danger. Just because parents teach and warn doesn't mean kids will listen.
I am aware of child pychology, and realize that sometimes they don't listen. Yes, if you just tell a child "Don't do this", likely they will want to do it. But that is also young children, and you need to give them more than just a don't; an explanation of "why not" is also required (and make sure they listen to what you're trying to tell them -- you may be surprised). With teenagers, you have a chance to talk with them on more even ground. Yes, a parent can warn against dangers, and yes, the teenager in question can choose whether or not to heed their parents warning. But whatever they ultimately end up doing is, in fact, in the hands of the teenager. A lot of them seem to know how to sneak out behind their parents' back, so really, a parent can only do so much to protect them. They do do stupid things, you can't prevent all of them. All you really can do is raise them to know the difference between right and wrong, and hope they make the right decisions.

I'd also like to point out that some people can be the best possible parents a kid could have, and the child could still turn out to be a criminal. Whether or not their parents believed in giving their children privacy or not, it is based on the individual child how they ultimately turn out. All you can do is learn to know your child, and build up a bondage of trust with them so as to keep the line of communication open. Trust is a two-way street, which is why I think it is important to give your children at least some privacy; it shows that you trust them.
 

Nadai

Active Member
I am aware of child pychology, and realize that sometimes they don't listen. Yes, if you just tell a child "Don't do this", likely they will want to do it. But that is also young children, and you need to give them more than just a don't; an explanation of "why not" is also required (and make sure they listen to what you're trying to tell them -- you may be surprised). With teenagers, you have a chance to talk with them on more even ground. Yes, a parent can warn against dangers, and yes, the teenager in question can choose whether or not to heed their parents warning. But whatever they ultimately end up doing is, in fact, in the hands of the teenager. A lot of them seem to know how to sneak out behind their parents' back, so really, a parent can only do so much to protect them. They do do stupid things, you can't prevent all of them. All you really can do is raise them to know the difference between right and wrong, and hope they make the right decisions.

I'd also like to point out that some people can be the best possible parents a kid could have, and the child could still turn out to be a criminal. Whether or not their parents believed in giving their children privacy or not, it is based on the individual child how they ultimately turn out. All you can do is learn to know your child, and build up a bondage of trust with them so as to keep the line of communication open. Trust is a two-way street, which is why I think it is important to give your children at least some privacy; it shows that you trust them.
Yes, thank you, I am aware; I agree. As for talking to a child (any adolescent) on even ground is not something I will do; children are children until they are old enough to take care of themselves on their own. The day my son or daughter think they know enough that they can speak to me as my equal is the day they can get a job and move out. Parents are parents and children are children, there is no equality... in my opinion.
But as I keep saying, to each his own.
 
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